Should Parents Kick Their Kids Out at 18?

The Parent’s Role in Launching Adult-Ready Kids

When it comes to the question of whether parents should make their kids leave home as soon as they turn 18 and graduate high school, it’s a complicated issue. If your child doesn’t have any significant health challenges, mental health struggles, or developmental delays, and you feel you “have to” kick them out, it might be time for some self-reflection. It’s worth considering whether you, as a parent, could have done more to prepare them for adulthood.

Forcing a child to leave home at 18 without preparation isn’t tough love—it’s a failure to provide the tools they need to navigate an often harsh and unforgiving world.

The Role of Parenting in Readiness

A child who is truly ready to step into the adult world often reflects the effort their parents put into raising and preparing them. If they lack ambition or a clear post-graduation plan, it may show they didn’t receive enough guidance along the way. Sure, some kids are late bloomers or may benefit from a little tough love, but generally, children who have been raised with a sense of responsibility and direction are eager to begin their adult lives.

Speaking from personal experience, I graduated high school at 17, left home for a university that summer, and struggled with maturity during that first year. The school and academic part was easy, but being responsible and disciplined—not so much. Afterward, I moved in with my dad (my parents divorced when I was about 4) for about a year (I worked and “tried out” community college) before joining the military at 19. By then, I was ready to start my adulthood and never looked back. My parents (mom and step-dad) did a relatively decent job preparing me, even if I wasn’t entirely mature at 18.

Some kids just take a little longer to “marinate.”

Recognizing Individual Needs

It’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Some kids need a little extra support before they’re ready to thrive independently. Both of my children are college graduates, and one is currently in law school at a top university on a scholarship. That child went straight to college after high school, while the other child took a couple of years to find their footing. Both paths led to success, but they required different levels of support at the start.

Striking a Balance

While I’m absolutely against enabling laziness or entitlement, taking a hardline approach—expecting every child to be ready to move out at 18—can backfire. If your child isn’t prepared to navigate the complexities of adulthood, that’s not just on them… it’s also on you as a parent. The world is challenging, often unforgiving, and potentially dangerous. Tossing a kid out before they’re equipped to handle it all isn’t just harsh—it could be harmful.

The goal should be to ensure that, when your child leaves home, they’re set up for success. If they’re not ready, parents should seek advice from someone who knows the child well—a friend, family member, or mentor—who can offer a fresh perspective on the situation. The answer or conclusion could very well be that the kid is relatively ready for the world and  is just being lazy or being a mooch. But make sure that before you give them a kick in the butt out the door that you have fully and correctly analyzed the situation.

A Hard Truth

Let’s keep it real: some parents simply didn’t put in the necessary effort or thought into raising their kids. Many parents struggle and/or struggled themselves. Some simply had their kids at a young age and had to learn how to parent “on the fly.” Some just don’t know how to properly mentor their kid for success.

If you push a child out of the nest before they’re ready, that’s often is a reflection of your own shortcomings as much as it is theirs… and could lead to all sorts of issues as the world can be a dangerous place to be… especially if the young-adult is swimming in “deep waters” and can barely keep their head above water… or worse… they don’t know how to swim.

Sure, some kids will “doggy-paddle” and eventually figure it out but many won’t. There are a lot of bad things that can happen to folks when they are out in the “wild” as many, especially women, often get “preyed” upon by degenerates.

The drug rehab centers, hospitals and cemeteries are filled with people who were pushed out into the “jungle” before they could sort it out.

So many people are mentally struggling years after they graduated high school because they can’t get things to work out for themselves as an adult. They find themselves stuck in a vortex that they fell into because they never did that transition from child to adult properly. Some just needed that extra time after high school and just never got it… and now through bad decisions, forced choices they had to make because of circumstances, immaturity, no solid mentors or examples and many other things… they find it incredibly tough to reach their potential.

How many grown adults who are struggling now in life… at age 30, 40 or even older… would have otherwise been successful if they were given just an extra year or 2 or even 3… to figure it out or at least get a clue?

Look, parenting is a tough job, and while no one is perfect, the goal should always be to set your kids up for the best chance at a successful, independent life.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t about blaming or shaming anyone, but about encouraging thoughtful decisions. If your child isn’t ready to leave, it’s worth examining why and addressing those gaps rather than defaulting to a “tough love” solution. Life is hard enough without feeling abandoned by the people who are supposed to have your back.

Hopefully, these thoughts will help parents reflect on their choices and, most importantly, help their kids step into adulthood with confidence.